Saturday, February 23, 2008

Week 5 - News Story 3 & 4

News Story #3

A high-pressure gas pipe ruptured yesterday near Folsom and 11th Street, forcing near-by business owners and residents to evacuate a four-block area.

Around 12:30 p.m., a private construction crew was repairing sewer lines. During their repairs, they tore a two-inch gas pipe in half with a backhoe, resulting in a complete traffic gridlock and at least a 100-person evacuation.

Carlann Lauria, manager of Crocker’s Lockers, a self-storage facility on Folsom and 10th Street, says her customers,” ..were pretty irate.” However, her employees kept busy, collecting payments from their patrons outside the affected area.

The manager of Wa-Ha-Ka restaurant, Samantha Feldman, says she was forced to evacuate her building. The restaurant is located right next to the ruptured pipe. Ms. Feldman says the evacuation cost her at least $500 worth of business.

At the time of this writing, the pipe has been repaired according to PG&E. The gas was turned back on at 5:09 p.m.


News Story # 4

Last Saturday night, Alan Tiscas-Soto, a 21-year-old man stole a car from a newly married couple, with the bride still in the front seat.

According to Sheryl Wolcott, a San Mateo County deputy district attorney, after their wedding on Saturday on their way to a romantic night at Embassy Suites, the couple stopped by Taco Bell on East Fourth Avenue in San Mateo, to subdue a late night snack craving. Not wanting his wife to get her wedding dress dirty and being more maneuverable in his tuxedo, the groom left the car running, with her inside as he walked into Taco Bell. The groom hadn’t even made it all the way through the door, when a man came rushing out and hopped into the groom’s still running automobile.

Frantic, the groom ran outside to the passenger door of his 2003 Nissan Altima, and tried desperately to get his wife out of the vehicle. The man attempting the carjacking was having a hard time getting the Nissan into gear, so luckily the groom had enough time and was able to get her out before the crazed carjacker crashed the car into a Taco Bell sign. After the crash, the carjacker got out of the car and ran away. Neither the groom nor the bride sustained any injuries. Witnesses immediately called the police.

Shortly after the incident, officer Brendan Boyle noticed a man resembling the suspect’s description running southbound on South Delaware Street and Ninth Avenue. Boyle called for backup and arrested the suspect without incident. However, police say that Mr. Tiscas-Soto told them he was high on methamphetamines for three straight days at the time of arrest.

Currently, Tiscas-Soto, is being held in San Mateo County Jail on a $100,000 bail. He is facing felony carjacking charges and misdemeanor drug charges. He does not have a criminal record. He pleaded not guilty on Monday in San Mateo Superior Court.

Sheryl Wolcott stated that the county private defender program has assigned no attorney to Mr. Tiscas-Soto as of yet. However, Ms. Wolcott also says that if the accused is found guilty, he could face up to nine years in state prison. A preliminary hearing is scheduled later this year on May 10th.

The couple’s names were not released at the time of this writing.

2 comments:

camccune said...

Good lead, but I'd add "around 12:30 p.m." to the end of it instead of starting P2 that way. Also, "nearby" is one word.

P3 quote punctuation: ...says her customers "were pretty irate.”

Last paragraph: Just say when the gas was turned back on.

Otherwise, it works well.
9/10

camccune said...

Oops, I forgot to give you feedback on News Story 4.

Don't start with your lead with the "when" or "where" of a story. Start with the most important/interesting info...which you get to at the end of this paragraph.

P2: Too much lead-in (put Wolcott at end of sentence), too much additional description/exposition. You job is to simplify and clarify the story, not make it more complex. Besides, you don't really know why the groom went in, not the bride. Don't make stuff up.

What I'd like you to edit this story. It's pretty close, but a little bloated. Please go through it and tighten it up wherever possible.

12/15